The Swamp
Ahhhh, college football. There's no better time of year. The smell of beer and charcoal exaggerate the excitement in the air surrounding college stadiums across the nation every Saturday morning.
A couple of years ago, at the Florida/Aurburn game in The Swamp, some of my buddies and I made the trek to Gainesville for a couple days of football and parting. We arrived in Gainesville well before the game started and began to drink heavily. Very heavily. In fact, if I remember correctly, before the game even started I was doing genital origami for everyone tailgating around us. You know, The Turkey Leg, The Flying Squirrel, and The Plum. Anyway, after the game we made our way across University Blvd. to a bar called The Swamp (not to be confused with the stadium). For some odd reason, we all decided that hanging our nuts out in the bar was a great idea. I, to this day, don't remember how it all came about, but I will admit that it was probably my idea. So there we are, all five of us standing by the front door hanging brain, when a midget walks by. No shit. What are the chances of that?! It just so happens, THIS midget works for the bar we are in. So she comes around the corner and what is the first thing to hit her at eye level? A whole covey of cojones. Five guys in their late 20's with genitalia hanging out of their zippers. So she is obviously horrified. Maybe if there was a 15 inch... naw, she would still have been horrified. Anyway, Shorty runs over and tells the manager that she's going to sue the bar or something because he comes over all pissed off, and says that we can't hang our dicks out in the bar. I quickly point out to him that nary a one of us is hanging a penis out in his bar, and that we would all put our boys up and be good for the rest of the evening. "Get out!!" he screamed. So we all headed for the door, struggling to tuck our jewels back into their respective places and zip up, when manager Stalin says, "You guys come back tomorrow." "OHHHHHHH! TOMORROW is hang your nuts out night!!" I said sarcastically. This did not sit well with Stalin, although my buddies did get a good chuckle out of it. "Get out!!" he yelled for the second time. Oh well, next door to the Purple Porpoise we go.
Moral of the story: If your going to hang your balls out in a crowded bar, be certain there are no midgets nearby.
Peace.
A couple of years ago, at the Florida/Aurburn game in The Swamp, some of my buddies and I made the trek to Gainesville for a couple days of football and parting. We arrived in Gainesville well before the game started and began to drink heavily. Very heavily. In fact, if I remember correctly, before the game even started I was doing genital origami for everyone tailgating around us. You know, The Turkey Leg, The Flying Squirrel, and The Plum. Anyway, after the game we made our way across University Blvd. to a bar called The Swamp (not to be confused with the stadium). For some odd reason, we all decided that hanging our nuts out in the bar was a great idea. I, to this day, don't remember how it all came about, but I will admit that it was probably my idea. So there we are, all five of us standing by the front door hanging brain, when a midget walks by. No shit. What are the chances of that?! It just so happens, THIS midget works for the bar we are in. So she comes around the corner and what is the first thing to hit her at eye level? A whole covey of cojones. Five guys in their late 20's with genitalia hanging out of their zippers. So she is obviously horrified. Maybe if there was a 15 inch... naw, she would still have been horrified. Anyway, Shorty runs over and tells the manager that she's going to sue the bar or something because he comes over all pissed off, and says that we can't hang our dicks out in the bar. I quickly point out to him that nary a one of us is hanging a penis out in his bar, and that we would all put our boys up and be good for the rest of the evening. "Get out!!" he screamed. So we all headed for the door, struggling to tuck our jewels back into their respective places and zip up, when manager Stalin says, "You guys come back tomorrow." "OHHHHHHH! TOMORROW is hang your nuts out night!!" I said sarcastically. This did not sit well with Stalin, although my buddies did get a good chuckle out of it. "Get out!!" he yelled for the second time. Oh well, next door to the Purple Porpoise we go.
Moral of the story: If your going to hang your balls out in a crowded bar, be certain there are no midgets nearby.
Peace.
Laid down by AT - 8:53 PM
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