Don't you hate it when that happens?
I thought it was just a fart. Of course, had I not been mostly asleep, I may have realized that it wasn't just gas pushing on the backside of my sphincter. So instead of squeezing out a cloud of noxious gas, it was a combination of foul air and vile fluid. My eyes flew open as I concluded that something just didn't feel right. I eased my naked self out of bed, careful not to awaken my girlfriend of one month, and headed for the bathroom where I ended up having to clean my ass with a wet wash cloth. Ewww.
Luckily, I never woke her up. Jennifer is a very light sleeper and can you imagine having to explain that you sharted in bed to your new girlfriend? So, I climbed back in the sack and went to sleep.
I got up about 8. It was Saturday, and I figured Jenn would just sleep in. So I got dressed, headed to the kitchen, and started cooking breakfast.
About 15 minutes later, I went back to the bedroom to see if Jenn was interested in eating. I opened the door and she was sitting up, under the covers, on the bed reading a book. "Hey baby," I said, "Do you want some breakfast?" "Sure," she answered. Then she added, "Hey, do you remember getting up and going to the bathroom last night?" Uh oh. I didn't think that she knew about that. Ahhh, I probably just woke her up when I climbed back into bed, I thought. "Yeah, why?" I asked nervously. She set her book down, grabbed the top of the sheets, and yanked them down to expose a nasty brown stain on my side of the bed. "Did you forget to wipe or what?" she said laughing. Awww damn.
What do you do when that happens? Apologize? Attempt to explain why there was shit in your bed? Blame it on the dog? Nope. You're flat busted son. Suck it up and prepare to wash some sheets. And for the love of God... take a shower ASAP.
Well, I tell you what, I just can't believe that she was lying in bed with a shit stain, waiting for me to come in so she could rub it in my face (not literally of course). That's pretty goddamned impressive if you ask me. She even helped me change the sheets.
Moral of the story: If you ever shart in bed with a new girlfriend, you better just lie in it until she gets up and goes home, because there is no way in hell that she would be half as cool with you shitting the bed as my girl was.
Peace.
Luckily, I never woke her up. Jennifer is a very light sleeper and can you imagine having to explain that you sharted in bed to your new girlfriend? So, I climbed back in the sack and went to sleep.
I got up about 8. It was Saturday, and I figured Jenn would just sleep in. So I got dressed, headed to the kitchen, and started cooking breakfast.
About 15 minutes later, I went back to the bedroom to see if Jenn was interested in eating. I opened the door and she was sitting up, under the covers, on the bed reading a book. "Hey baby," I said, "Do you want some breakfast?" "Sure," she answered. Then she added, "Hey, do you remember getting up and going to the bathroom last night?" Uh oh. I didn't think that she knew about that. Ahhh, I probably just woke her up when I climbed back into bed, I thought. "Yeah, why?" I asked nervously. She set her book down, grabbed the top of the sheets, and yanked them down to expose a nasty brown stain on my side of the bed. "Did you forget to wipe or what?" she said laughing. Awww damn.
What do you do when that happens? Apologize? Attempt to explain why there was shit in your bed? Blame it on the dog? Nope. You're flat busted son. Suck it up and prepare to wash some sheets. And for the love of God... take a shower ASAP.
Well, I tell you what, I just can't believe that she was lying in bed with a shit stain, waiting for me to come in so she could rub it in my face (not literally of course). That's pretty goddamned impressive if you ask me. She even helped me change the sheets.
Moral of the story: If you ever shart in bed with a new girlfriend, you better just lie in it until she gets up and goes home, because there is no way in hell that she would be half as cool with you shitting the bed as my girl was.
Peace.
Laid down by AT - 6:18 PM
4 Comments:
The story's funny, but it's even funnier that you finally got your ass a girlfriend!
Why is it funny that I "got (my) ass a girlfriend?" Funny because of my facial derformity? Because of my flatulence? Because of my flaccidness? Or because you think that women aren't attracted to men who have a propensity to yank out their genitals at the drop of a hat?
Okay, I came across your blog by total accident(no pun intended LOL). I am in the process of opening a dog business and I was brainstorming names and came up with the "Funky Bone" Of course, I did a google search (to see if the name was taken) which lead me to your blog.
Thanks for the Laugh!!!! I couldn't stop laughing!!! I could only imagine your face!!! And I cannot believe your GF stayed in the Bed with the Shit Stains!!! Now that is LOVE!!! This blog was written some time ago, I have to ask.....Are you Still together?
Words of Wisdom: When first dating a gal or boy, and your in the initial "getting to know you stages".........TAke Immodium A-D!!! Especially, if you know you are going to have dinner. I am a married woman now, but back in my hay-day, I would take it before a date or staying over my boyfriend's house. Heck, I even use this stuff when I have long Flight!!!
Good Luck!!! and I am still laughing.........
Hi AT!! I'll tell you what I really hate--it's when you don't post. We both have been lagging. Cat got your tongue? Hope to hear from you soon.
P.S. You're getting spammed, man. You need to turn on your word verfication.
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