How Do Ya Like Them Apples? -The Sequel.

So after we left The Cottonwood, we headed down the street to a little bar called Rafters. Needless to say, we should have gotten in a taxi and went back to the Scottish Inn, because we were hammered. H-A-M-M-E-R-E-D. We walked in, quickly claimed the short leg of the L-shaped bar, and continued torturing our livers when I noticed a couple of hot college chicks sitting across from us at the bar. I was checking them out and saw that they were talking to a large flannel clad figure with his back to me. Then, I realized, they were checking me out too. So I, being of unsound mind, began making funny faces at them. The girls would laugh and Paul Bunyan would whip around and look at me, as I was looking around pretending to be totally unaware of any of it. This went on for, oh, 15 minutes or so, when Daniel Boone got up and left. I grabbed my buddy Mark and said, "Dude, check out those chicks over there. Come be my wingman." So we shuffled over and introduced ourselves. Literally, not 2 minutes later, John Boy walked up. I guess I was not paying enough attention... he must have been in the shitter. Anyway, I looked up at him and said, "Hey man, is this your girlfriend?" "Yeah," he grumbled as he puffed up his chest. "Whew! That's a relief... 'cause I saw you staring at me from across the bar bra, and I thought you wanted me to give you the stiff-one-eye," I quipped. Snapshot: Me- sitting on a bar stool with a cruel smirk on my face, Mark- on the floor laughing so hard that he was completely and utterly useless, the girls- laughing so hard one was falling off of her bar stool and the other was squirting beer out of her nose, and Jethro, standing there in his flannel (and I could swear he had on one of those orange hunting hats with the ear flaps, but I'm not sure) turning red from embarrassment and anger. Now what would you have done in Andre the Giant's position? I would have hit me, but he decided that he could turn the whole thing around with one clever remark. Unfortunately for him, he yelled, "I'll give you a stiff-one-eye!" for all the bar to hear. The bar went quiet, and you already know what my reply was.... "I bet you would dude, but I'm not gay. Thanks for the offer though." Snapshot: Me- satisfied smile, Mark- peeing himself, hot chicks- hyperventilating, bar patrons- laughing in chorus, Chewbacca- defeated in his flannel and overalls. Poor Wookiee.

Moral of the story: After banging your nuts on the front window of a crowded bar, you can make anyone you want look like an idiot.



Drink up, and stay tuned.

Peace.