Static electricity

Does anyone have a fire extinguisher I can borrow?



Peace.

Damn girlfriend!!!

This is what happens when you piss off your woman! Ouch.

Peace.

Don't try this at home

A buddy of mine from college, named Greg, told me this story and I'm passing it on because it made me piss my pants.

Greg and his buddies were out on a Saturday night in Vero Beach when they were in high school. Now if you've ever been to Vero, you would know that with all the nearly deads (retired folk) the greatest thing happening on a Saturday night is bingo. They were in young, dumb, and looking for some trouble, when they drove past a house that was being remodeled. It had huge windows in the front that went from the ground to the roofline. Inside the house, there was eight old people playing cards at a table right in front of that big window. Greg's buddies slowed down, and dared him to press his ass against the glass right in front of the geriatrics. As the story was told to me, they were really into mooning at the time. I guess in Vero, that was damn near the coolest thing since Atari.

So Greg hops out of the car, darts over to the cover of the front door, and undoes his pants ready to jump out and do the deed. He takes a deep breath and gives his buddies a thumbs up. Then, he leaps out in front of the window, yanks down his pants, and backs up to where the window should have been. That's right... should have been. It seems that during the renovation the retirees were in the process of replacing the windows in front of their house, and no one noticed that there was no glass in the frames. Well, as Greg was backing up, pants down, his heels hit the slab and his ass hit nothing. Hence, he went tumbling into the owners living room, ass bare and sausage swinging. Granny had a sly smile on her face and poor Grandpa probably shit his Depends as Greg was wallowing on the hardwood trying to get his jeans back up to his waist.

As the story goes, Greg scrambled to the car but his buddies were laughing so hard that they could not drive away. I must admit, I would have been incapacitated too.



Peace.

Did they really mean to do that?

Check out this Power Point presentation.

Peace.

Rearn Engrish!!

Or is this what you do when you've got oral hemorrhoids?

Chicken Legs

So I go over to my buddy Mark's house Sunday night for some beer and bbq. There's about 8 people there drinking and having a good ole time when I show up. Mark had Bratwurst, Italian sausage, chicken legs, and 'kraut all cooking in the smoker. I don't know whether he was expecting the staff from Disney or what, but he probably had 50 chicken legs and 20 sausages burning. Seemed like an awful lot of meat for 8 people.

Anyway, as the night rolled on, and people got drunk, the group began to thin a bit, until there was just 4 of us hanging around. There was damn near a grill full of chicken legs left. I don't know what Mark was thinking, but all of a sudden, he grabs a leg out of the smoker, chucks it out of the backyard towards the road, and yells, "CAT FOOD!" Everyone was laughing, until the leg landed in the back of Dave's truck. Dave is really sensitive about his truck. So he proceeds to start tossing legs onto the roof of Mark's garage. Like a machine gun, it was one after another, after another. I'm laughing my ass off, telling Mark that he won't be able to have a party out there for a while due to the overwhelming smell of decaying flesh emanating from his roof. So Mark grabs a leg and nails Dave in chest as he's heaving a thigh skyward. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the beginning of the first chicken part food fight that I have ever seen. There was chicken flying everywhere. I'd hate to know what Mark's backyard smells like now... two days later. Needless to say, those two came out of it with grease stains in the shape of chicken legs all over their clothes. And probably bruises in the same shape.

Anyone else ever hear of a chicken leg fight?

Peace.

Smackdown... in 3rd person

Frustrated, AT and Howie were headed for the door of the smoky bar when a small voice called out. "Howie. Howie!!" It was nearly impossible to hear over the blaring jukebox. As they headed out of the front door, the young woman followed and nabbed them out front.

Her name was Danielle. She was a former co-worker of Howie's from SWS. As he recognized her, a warming smile illuminated his face.

"Hey Danielle, how have you been?"

"I'm good thanks," she answered.

"Are you excited about leaving?"

"I'm excited and a little nervous."

As the two were discussing her apparently recent departure from the company, AT waited nervously nearby, inconspicuously eyeing everyone that walked out of the double doors.

Out of courtesy, Howie said, "Danielle, this is my roommate AT. AT, Danielle."

"Hey Danielle, nice to meet you," AT said politely.

"You too," she said.

Danielle turned back towards Howie and they continued their discussion about the incompetent sales people in their business.

AT took a step back and returned to his strategic spot to watch the doors. He was trying to make eye contact with Howie to express the anxiety he felt about being there. He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave now, knowing that Vicki would be walking out soon.

Moments later, Vicki, Heather, and Eddie rumbled out underneath the canopy.

Howie, with his back to them, continued his discussion with Danielle. AT, seeing them leave, pretended to be deeply involved in the conversation and avoided eye contact.

He let an inaudible sigh of relief as the three made their way into the parking lot.

But AT didn't know that he had been spotted, and Vicki quickly turned around and stumbled over to him.

Putting her arms around him she muttered, "You're coming home with me."

"No, I'm not," he said sternly. "I drove and Howie and I are meeting some friends downtown."

"Then I'm coming with you."

"No, you're not. You're drunk and you should go home."

"Why are you always so mean to me?"

"Look, you were out of control in there. You were really being a bitch and... Wait. Why are we having this conversation? I don't need this."

AT turned around and headed for the parking lot trying to avoid a confrontation with the inebriated woman. About five steps down the sidewalk, he was forcefully thrust forward. She had shoved him in the back. He kept walking without turning around.

By this time, Howie had seen what was happening and was also making his way to the car just a few steps ahead of AT.

Again, AT was violently pushed in the back. Without stopping he turned his head to shoot an irritated look her way. As he turned, she connected with a right cross to his lips. Feeling the anger build, he shoved his hands in his pockets and picked up his pace across the parking lot.

As he did, Vicki grabbed the back collar of his shirt attempting to hold him back. His shirttail came out of his pants the buttons began to come undone as he pulled one way, and Vicki pulled another.

Just as this was happening, Howie turned around in time to see AT throw his hands in the air and yell, "Howie, do something!" Realizing that AT was losing patience quickly, he ran back and grabbed the drunk.

AT continued to the car as Howie tried to get her to relax.

Vicki's roommate Heather and their friend Eddie were following far behind apparently unaware of the events which had just unfolded.

AT made it to the car and quickly locked the doors. As Howie rounded the front bumper AT unlocked the passenger door and Howie climbed in.

At the same time, Vicki had made it to driver's side and was attempting to open the door.

"Roll down the window," she screamed.

"So you can hit me again?"

"I just want to say goodbye."

"Go ahead," AT said through the glass.

By this time Heather and Eddie had made it to the car and were getting a clearer picture of what was happening.

Eddie said, "He can hear you through the window," also trying to avoid any further acts of violence from the drunken one.

AT put the car in reverse and began to back out of the parking spot and Eddie grabbed Vicki to allow them safe passage.

But in a fit of selfish rage, Vicki lashed out and kicked the driver's door as AT and Howie were backing up.

"Just keep going. Let's get out of here," Howie said.

AT abruptly said, "What the fuck was that shit! She hit me in the mouth!"

"I don't know, but it makes for a great story," Howie laughed. "C'mon, we'll go down to Eola and I'll buy you a beer."



Is that sexual harassment? Hitting me because I wouldn't sleep with her? Hmmmmm...

Peace.

Comments

I have added a comments link to the site. Just click on the "Thoughts?" button to share your views with the world... if you have the cojones.

Peace.

My favorite engineer joke

An Electrical Engineer, a Structural Engineer, a Civil Engineer, and a Mechanical Engineer were sitting at a bar discussing the wonders of the human body.

The Mechanical Engineer said, "God must be a Mechanical Engineer. Look at the way all of the joints and muscles work together to create such an efficient machine."

"I disagree," said the Electrical Engineer. "With the complexity of the nervous system, it's blatantly obvious that God is an Electrical Engineer."

"Naw," said the Structural Engineer, "God has to be a Structural Engineer. The skeletal system of the human body is a veritable masterpiece of structural engineering."

"Indubitably," said the Civil Engineer. "Although, I know for a fact that God is a Civil Engineer."

"How's that?" all of the others ask.

"Because only a Civil Engineer would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area."

How true.

Peace.

Kegerators

I have come to the conclusion that there is a real and untapped market for kegerators. Imagine if you could sell kegerators at Home Depot. Do you think that a guy could walk in there and not come out with one? I doubt it. College towns, yuppie neighborhoods, around race tracks, trailer parks, and the high rent districts all would be good targets. It's pretty much every man's dream to walk into his own house and pull himself a draft beer. Not to mention, bragging rights among his fellow cohorts. Every house that has beer in the refrigerator would have one if they were affordable and more available. The possibilities are endless.

I know that I would have bought a kegerator in college. Shit, I would buy one now, if I didn't already have a homemade one in the garage, and I saw one on the shelf somewhere. They are not that difficult to make. A small, custom made or full sized refrigerator with ample room for a keg and a CO2 tank with a tap on the door or in the top would sell like hot cakes. You could even sell accessories, like longer hoses and mounts so that the tap could be placed on a bar or at the kitchen sink.

Am I missing something here? Why has this not been done on a large scale? Sorority houses, frat houses, board rooms, and RV's... workshops, chili cook offs, barber shops, and pet stores... movie theaters, county fairs, grocery stores, and post offices... living rooms, bed rooms, bathrooms, and kitchens... all with one thing in common... BEER. It's really a simple concept.

Thoughts?



Peace.

Head bobbing optional

For my Miamian friends. Check out the guy in the orange shirt and black pants... I'm laughing my ass off!!

Peace.